“Saturday Night Live” opened by ridiculing the explosive allegations made in the ongoing libel lawsuit of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.
“I’m Nicole Wallace and you’re watching MSNBC News because you have nowhere to put your anger,” said Kate McKinnon, portraying the anchor presenting the cable network’s trial coverage.
Depp, played by Kyle Mooney, took the witness stand to recount a home security video where property manager Kenan Thompson found feces in his bed, allegedly left by Heard.
“I’d like to see more of the video, because it’s funny,” said the judge, played by Cecily Strong, overruling an objection from Heard’s attorney.
“Mr. Depp, do you find this trial amusing?” Strong asked the smiling witness.
“A little yes,” he replied.
“Me too,” she said, raising a glass of wine hidden behind her bench as she offered a toast.
Heard’s publicist declined to comment on the cold open when contacted by The Post and Depp’s representatives did not immediately respond to a message.
Singer and actress Selena Gomez, 29, made her debut as a host and told the cast she was looking for love on the show.
“One of the reasons I’m really excited to host SNL is that I’m single and I’ve heard that SNL is a great place to find love,” she said. “At this point, I’ll take anyone.”
Mooney and James Austin Johnson both offered their services but were quickly taken down.
“Oh, that’s new cast member Jeff,” Gomez said.
“It’s James, but I’ll change him to Jeff if you want,” Johnson replied.
The host was more receptive to a lead from Punky Johnson.
“Let’s see how the afterparty goes,” Gomez offered.
The former “Barney & Friends” child actress then ended the monologue by leading the crowd in singing the show’s song “I Love You.”
Melissa Villaseñor played a young divorced child who sought solace in her Bratz dolls (Gomez, Aidy Bryant, and Bowen Yang) who gave her questionable advice and declared their intention to seduce her womanizing father.
“I just don’t understand why dad doesn’t love my mom anymore,” Villaseñor exclaimed, while asking the dolls for words of wisdom.
“Be genuine and be a bitch with all the waiters you see,” Bryant offered, before Yang said the dolls were heading to Miami to party with her dad.
A Japanese show that followed toddlers running errands alone was rebranded for the US featuring middle-aged men who struggled to do things without their longtime girlfriends.
Gomez ended up dumping Mikey Day after his 34-year-old character failed to make a solo trip to Sephora and the bodega.
Villaseñor and Gomez played Latino public-access hosts with short attention spans and limited vocabularies who struggled to interact with their pen pals and guests.
In the next sketch, Thompson portrayed an exasperated little theater manager who had to keep feeding his stunt doubles and chastising them for using Australian accents in an Irish period drama.
Gomez hosted an episode of “American Inventors” featuring Whoopee Cushion creator Archie Gizmo, played by his “Only Murders in the Building” co-star Steve Martin.
“I knew it would be funny if your boss sat down and had a noise come out of his butt, but I couldn’t figure out what sound,” Martin recounted.
His dilemma was solved when he met a perpetually wind-breaking muse, played by Bryant, who also inspired him to invent gags like electric gum and canned snakes.
“Weekend Update” parodied the week’s news, discussing the cryptocurrency crash and the Roe v. Wade.
“If you feel like things are going a little bad this week, yesterday was Friday the 13th, tomorrow is a blood moon, and according to the most annoying person you know, Mercury is in retrograde,” said cracked anchor Colin Jost.
Co-host Michael Che commented on the discontinuation of iPod production.
“Because Apple products become obsolete once they’re older than the kids making them,” Che joked.
A new, hearing-impaired Barbie taught young girls an important lesson, Jost said.
“It’s okay if you’re deaf, as long as this body bangs.”
Sarah Sherman reported live from Jost’s dressing room, where an intern was being held in a cage under self-affirming post-its that read things like “You’re the real King of Staten Island.”
Mooney also sat on the anchor desk as a drugged-out Baby Yoda.
Day portrayed a dragon slayer who had to choose between marrying three princesses in a medieval castle, in a sketch that used the same setting as last week’s Roe v Wade cold open.
The suitor struggled to find fault with the three women, played by Gomez, McKinnon and Ego Nwodim, and wondered if there was a catch.
After casting McKinnon, it was revealed that she suffered from excess gas; the episode’s third toilet humor prank at a woman’s expense.
In a pre-recorded skit, Punky Johnson played Gomez’s inner jealous voice which convinced her that her boyfriend Chris Redd was cheating on her, leading her to stalk him online and throw his Xbox at the widow.
When Gomez admitted she wasn’t safe because she usually dates sleeping athletes and celebrities, musical guest Post Malone was introduced as Redd’s jealous inner voice. This led Redd to accuse Gomez of obtaining nude photos from LeBron James.
Nwodim and Yang played motivational speakers who urged the Ol’ Dirty Bastard Class of 2022 to pursue modeling.
“Because right now you are the youngest you will ever be,” Nwodim said.
“I like your look,” Gomez, acting as a model, asked a college student. “How old are you?”
“Seventeen,” replied the girl.
“That’s perfect. Stay at that age forever,” Gomez replied.
Post Malone brought out Roddy Rich to perform their song ‘Cooped Up’ before delivering a dramatic rendition of ‘Love/Hate Letter To Alcohol’.
The NBC show’s season finale will take place next week and is expected to feature actress Natasha Lyonne as a guest host along with musical guest Japanese Breakfast.